My mother's hands

It promised to be the spring day that I had long been wishing for. My arms lifted the first towel into the air and  pinned it to the clothes line. I burst into tears.

I was struck with the image of my mother as a young woman, hanging sheets on the line at our Wynwood Road house. I was little and would have been found playing on the swing set or in my hide-away under the arching branches of the forsythia row at the edge of our property - reading one of my coveted Big Little books. I would watch her as she went about her task. This woman who grew up with orange crates as her bedroom furniture derived so much joy from her home and all of the daily tasks that kept it running. She especially loved the smell of sheets dried on the clothes line. After a hard day at play, my brother and I were guaranteed a night of sweet dreams as she pulled up those sheets smelling of fresh air and sunshine and tucked us in.

To this day I'm sure there is nothing better.

So when my arms rose in the air to pin that first towel onto the clothesline, I burst into tears. I cried through the hanging up of two loads of laundry as I remembered my mother's hands at work. 

Enjoy each moment,

Liz

Until Tomorrow

was what I said in my last post. That phrase could mean 'until tomorrow', in this case 'in a month', or it could be 'goodbye'.  

It was goodbye.  

Me and Bobbi

Pheasant Run Farm Bed and Breakfast

Winter Concert and Live Recording

January 2014

My friend Bobbi came by on Sunday evening, around 7:30. She brought her guitar and we all kept company with Mom in the family room. Bobbi played, my brother Matt, daughter Ginna, and I joined in, laughed, listened. 

At 9:00 Bobbi was getting ready to leave. I walked her into the living room. We talked for a minute and then my brother poked his head in the door. He said to me "I think you better come in to the room". Bobbi opened her guitar case and went back into the family room with me.

Our last family portrait with Mom

Thanksgiving 2013

She played her guitar softly, I climbed into the bed on one side of Mom, and Ginna climbed in on the other. Matt held Mom's hand. We hugged her, kissed her, and loved her into the Arms of God. Ginna gently removed the holy medal from around Mom's neck and fastened it around her own. Mom died at 9:15 pm, 54 years to the day that I was placed in her arms from Catholic Charities. It was the perfect ending.

Bobbi was blown away. I think, at that very moment, she understood what I have felt for a long time. That it is as important a moment seeing someone pass into the next life as it is welcoming a newborn into this world. It is a true and sacred privilege. 

 Mom, Geneva (my cousin Suzanne's adoptive mother), and my Aunt Jo, Mom's older sister.

 Of course Mom brought along a hat and scarf she knitted.

In Harrisburg.

 Mom doing one of the things she loved best - holding babies. 

This is Lily, my niece.

Mother's Day, May 2009

Mom with great granddaughter Elise.

Mother's Day, May 2009

 Patty, Lesli and Mom. 

Ginna and my friend Lin were there too

Surprise 50th birthday party at Patty's house

December 2009

 As usual Mom was clowning

These rings were in Mom's 'memory box'. 

A silver one with flowers, and a gold one with hearts. 

When she gave them to me a few years ago she couldn't remember where they came from

She also gave me her engagement ring many years ago

Because I live 2 hours from 'home', whenever I wanted to 'channel' Mom, I would always wear these. It was sometimes difficult to talk to her on the phone, so for me - this was my connection. 

 Her charm bracelet 

A sliver cross bracelet 

We added some of Mom's holy medals to the links in between

My friend Kerri and I made them into necklaces, by attaching another bracelet chain. I have other pieces too. Some that I had made for her over the years. I have been wearing something of hers every day since she has been gone. Now instead of them channeling my Mom, I consider them my Armor. They are a way to have her with me to help me fight this battle of grief.

A sweet remembrance from cousin Jim Drager:
I'm so saddened by the loss of Aunt Ginny. In my mind, she will always be the most positive, loving and kind person--consistently, that I've ever met. I still remember her at my first Holy Communion, giving me a hug and kind words. She was always that way. What a beautiful person.
In a way, I celebrate her by trying to emulate her. I can only hope to be a fraction as good as she was.
I'm so blessed to have her and you all as part of my family. I am thankful.
I'm sorry that I could not be at the services. Know that I am with you in prayer and thoughts. 

 While we were waiting for Hospice to come I made this wreath for Mom. It now hangs on her front door. She would like it.

I have tried to write this post many times in the past month. There is more tell.

with love, Me

For my family and friends because it is part of life

It's been a year and a half since mom got sick. She was diagnosed with MDS in July of 2012, soon after this photo was taken. You can read more about that here.

Needless to say, this past year and a half have had it's ups and downs. You can read about that here and then here.

During this time, mom has had two 'rounds' of chemo. The first round consisted of 7 successive days per month for 6 months, the second consisted of 5 successive days for 6 months.

October 2012

Each of these rounds were followed by a bone marrow biopsy. 

Christmas 2012

Mother's Day 2013

The last bone marrow biopsy told us that the chemo wasn't working anymore. This was in June of 2013. 

July 2013

One of Mom's favorites - a hot fudge sundae

September 2103

Just before she went into the hospital with pneumonia

I wasn't ready to tell anyone about the chemo stopping - at that time. In many ways I was relieved. It seemed like it wore her out more than it helped her. Anyway, I kept thinking I would let everyone know - and then I didn't. And the months went by.

September 2013

At rehab

October 2013

Mom with her amazing care giver Nancy

October 2013

Working on her exercise with Nancy and Toni

 We were very happy mom was well enough to come in and help us get ready for the St. Mary's Church Bazaar.

 December 2013

Modeling one of my Jewel Box Bracelets that converts to a necklace - she wasn't sure she wanted to give it up.

 Christmas 2013

 Enjoying the fire

During this time she has dealt with dementia, battled infections on her face, gout in her joints, increased pain from her arthritis, and has fallen more than once. We now have more handles in doorways, transfer chair in the tub, arm supports by the toilet, support by the bed, motion sensor lights, and a sound monitoring system.

My brother lives in an apartment attached to the house. He takes care of all of her meds, bill paying, waking her up in the morning, getting her clothes out, making her breakfast, and getting her settled before he goes off to work. When he gets home from work he cooks her dinner and later, gets her to bed.

He is my hero. 

In between morning and evening, Nancy takes over. She takes mom to all of her appointments, washes her laundry and cleans the house. But most importantly she makes mom happy. Nancy is kind, loving and most of all trustworthy.

Do I realize how blessed I am? living 2 hours away? You betcha!

It's a new year and now there's a new story. She just visited her geriatrician who told her that she thought it was time to consider getting hospice involved. 

Hospice through Medicare will pay for a lot of things that are and aren't covered right now and won't pay for items that are considered 'curative'. They will have someone come in during the hours that Nancy isn't there. They will help in other ways as well, being mostly concerned that mom is safe in her home. This help will cost mom nothing.

My brother Matt will take mom to see her oncologist on Tuesday. We should know a little more then. Maybe, I don't know. Matt has recently talked to more than one health care person who has told him "No one holds the God card".  

I'll keep you posted here. Because this is a new story.

I love you all, 

Lisa, Liz, Elizabeth - most importantly - daughter of Ginny.