Sunday, March 30, 2014

Grief Weather

Mantle of winter
Windy pall 
swirling and wrapping around me
Icy rain and snow
piercing my skin
Chill that holds my heart
within its firm grip

Blaze of warmth 
does not touch
the nether reaches of my soul

Mantle of winter
Please release me

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Until Tomorrow

was what I said in my last post. That phrase could mean 'until tomorrow', in this case 'in a month', or it could be 'goodbye'.  
It was goodbye.  

Me and Bobbi
Pheasant Run Farm Bed and Breakfast
Winter Concert and Live Recording
January 2014
My friend Bobbi came by on Sunday evening, around 7:30. She brought her guitar and we all kept company with Mom in the family room. Bobbi played, my brother Matt, daughter Ginna, and I joined in, laughed, listened. 

At 9:00 Bobbi was getting ready to leave. I walked her into the living room. We talked for a minute and then my brother poked his head in the door. He said to me "I think you better come in to the room". Bobbi opened her guitar case and went back into the family room with me.

Our last family portrait with Mom
Thanksgiving 2013
She played her guitar softly, I climbed into the bed on one side of Mom, and Ginna climbed in on the other. Matt held Mom's hand. We hugged her, kissed her, and loved her into the Arms of God. Ginna gently removed the holy medal from around Mom's neck and fastened it around her own. Mom died at 9:15 pm, 54 years to the day that I was placed in her arms from Catholic Charities. It was the perfect ending.
Bobbi was blown away. I think, at that very moment, she understood what I have felt for a long time. That it is as important a moment seeing someone pass into the next life as it is welcoming a newborn into this world. It is a true and sacred privilege. 
 Mom, Geneva (my cousin Suzanne's adoptive mother), and my Aunt Jo, Mom's older sister.
 Of course Mom brought along a hat and scarf she knitted.
In Harrisburg.

 Mom doing one of the things she loved best - holding babies. 
This is Lily, my niece.
Mother's Day, May 2009

Mom with great granddaughter Elise.
Mother's Day, May 2009

 Patty, Lesli and Mom. 
Ginna and my friend Lin were there too
Surprise 50th birthday party at Patty's house
December 2009

 As usual Mom was clowning

These rings were in Mom's 'memory box'. 
A silver one with flowers, and a gold one with hearts. 
When she gave them to me a few years ago she couldn't remember where they came from

She also gave me her engagement ring many years ago

Because I live 2 hours from 'home', whenever I wanted to 'channel' Mom, I would always wear these. It was sometimes difficult to talk to her on the phone, so for me - this was my connection. 
 Her charm bracelet 

A sliver cross bracelet 
We added some of Mom's holy medals to the links in between

My friend Kerri and I made them into necklaces, by attaching another bracelet chain. I have other pieces too. Some that I had made for her over the years. I have been wearing something of hers every day since she has been gone. Now instead of them channeling my Mom, I consider them my Armor. They are a way to have her with me to help me fight this battle of grief.

A sweet remembrance from cousin Jim Drager:

I'm so saddened by the loss of Aunt Ginny. In my mind, she will always be the most positive, loving and kind person--consistently, that I've ever met. I still remember her at my first Holy Communion, giving me a hug and kind words. She was always that way. What a beautiful person.
In a way, I celebrate her by trying to emulate her. I can only hope to be a fraction as good as she was.
I'm so blessed to have her and you all as part of my family. I am thankful.
I'm sorry that I could not be at the services. Know that I am with you in prayer and thoughts. 

 While we were waiting for Hospice to come I made this wreath for Mom. It now hangs on her front door. She would like it.

I have tried to write this post many times in the past month. There is more tell.

with love, Me

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