Until Tomorrow

was what I said in my last post. That phrase could mean 'until tomorrow', in this case 'in a month', or it could be 'goodbye'.  

It was goodbye.  

Me and Bobbi

Pheasant Run Farm Bed and Breakfast

Winter Concert and Live Recording

January 2014

My friend Bobbi came by on Sunday evening, around 7:30. She brought her guitar and we all kept company with Mom in the family room. Bobbi played, my brother Matt, daughter Ginna, and I joined in, laughed, listened. 

At 9:00 Bobbi was getting ready to leave. I walked her into the living room. We talked for a minute and then my brother poked his head in the door. He said to me "I think you better come in to the room". Bobbi opened her guitar case and went back into the family room with me.

Our last family portrait with Mom

Thanksgiving 2013

She played her guitar softly, I climbed into the bed on one side of Mom, and Ginna climbed in on the other. Matt held Mom's hand. We hugged her, kissed her, and loved her into the Arms of God. Ginna gently removed the holy medal from around Mom's neck and fastened it around her own. Mom died at 9:15 pm, 54 years to the day that I was placed in her arms from Catholic Charities. It was the perfect ending.

Bobbi was blown away. I think, at that very moment, she understood what I have felt for a long time. That it is as important a moment seeing someone pass into the next life as it is welcoming a newborn into this world. It is a true and sacred privilege. 

 Mom, Geneva (my cousin Suzanne's adoptive mother), and my Aunt Jo, Mom's older sister.

 Of course Mom brought along a hat and scarf she knitted.

In Harrisburg.

 Mom doing one of the things she loved best - holding babies. 

This is Lily, my niece.

Mother's Day, May 2009

Mom with great granddaughter Elise.

Mother's Day, May 2009

 Patty, Lesli and Mom. 

Ginna and my friend Lin were there too

Surprise 50th birthday party at Patty's house

December 2009

 As usual Mom was clowning

These rings were in Mom's 'memory box'. 

A silver one with flowers, and a gold one with hearts. 

When she gave them to me a few years ago she couldn't remember where they came from

She also gave me her engagement ring many years ago

Because I live 2 hours from 'home', whenever I wanted to 'channel' Mom, I would always wear these. It was sometimes difficult to talk to her on the phone, so for me - this was my connection. 

 Her charm bracelet 

A sliver cross bracelet 

We added some of Mom's holy medals to the links in between

My friend Kerri and I made them into necklaces, by attaching another bracelet chain. I have other pieces too. Some that I had made for her over the years. I have been wearing something of hers every day since she has been gone. Now instead of them channeling my Mom, I consider them my Armor. They are a way to have her with me to help me fight this battle of grief.

A sweet remembrance from cousin Jim Drager:
I'm so saddened by the loss of Aunt Ginny. In my mind, she will always be the most positive, loving and kind person--consistently, that I've ever met. I still remember her at my first Holy Communion, giving me a hug and kind words. She was always that way. What a beautiful person.
In a way, I celebrate her by trying to emulate her. I can only hope to be a fraction as good as she was.
I'm so blessed to have her and you all as part of my family. I am thankful.
I'm sorry that I could not be at the services. Know that I am with you in prayer and thoughts. 

 While we were waiting for Hospice to come I made this wreath for Mom. It now hangs on her front door. She would like it.

I have tried to write this post many times in the past month. There is more tell.

with love, Me

I had plans, Mom had different ones

I thought we had more time. Ha! Who am I? 

But I had plans. 

The first of many: super girl was going to redo Mom's family room. I was going to find places for most of the furniture in the room, then move some of her bedroom furniture downstairs. I wanted her to be able to sleep in her own bed. She loves her bedroom. And really, her bedroom is so pretty. Isn't it?

My brother called me yesterday morning. "I think you should come up". 

But I had plans.

I was going to come up on Sunday. I was going to take Mom to bingo. She was going to get a chance to see some nieces that she hadn't seen for awhile. And she loves people. I was going to show her some fun. 

On the way up to Mom's, I called some people to let them know more of what was going on. And then I did something - only God knows what - and the phone's screen went black. I couldn't get it to come on, charge, anything. I had more people to call. Get Ginna on a train, have her picked up and delivered to York.

I had to make plans.

When I got to the house, Mom was sitting up on the sofa. Her breathing was labored, even with the oxygen, and she was agitated. She couldn't acknowledge me. I sat down next to her and put my arm around her. She relaxed into my body. The hospice nurse had just given her a low dose of morphine and lorazepam. The hospital bed was on its way. 

But wait, I had plans. 

My cousin Patty was coming by on Monday. We were going to talk about Volume 2 of the Trulinos Family Cookbook. It had been discussed for so long, we were finally going to make it a reality. 

My mom made the first family cookbook. It was while she was still working. This was before computers were in widespread use. Wait, is that what BC means!? She asked all the relatives for recipes. But that meant hand copying all those cards for everyone. It was a lot of work! On her lunch hour Mom would type up the recipes that my brother and I gave her, as well as her sisters and nieces. She had it printed many times over, (there are a lot of us). Every morning before she went to work, she did 9 laps around the dining room table, collating her cookbook pages. In the evening after work, same routine. When mom presented her project to everyone at the next Trulinos Family Reunion, the family was astounded. Needless to say the cookbook is a staple in many of our households. We definitely need a Volume 2! And I had plans.

In the evening Ginna and I climbed into bed with mom and we made a Mommom sandwich. We snuggled her, petted her, talked to her and kissed her.

I had plans.

I was going to have my girlfriends to the house every other Saturday. Mom was going to hold court in the living room with the fireplace roaring, (after all Punxatawney Phil says we are going to have 6 more weeks of winter).

 We were all going to knit, crochet, have tea (ok, and maybe wine), talk, laugh and just have fun! When it got warmer we would do the same - on the screened in porch.

I had plans.

It's February 2nd. 54 years ago today, I was delivered into my mother's arms courtesy of Catholic Charities. I was born in December, 3 weeks premature. When I arrived at 320 Wynwood Road, I was 6 weeks old and weighed just over 4 pounds. My paternal grandfather took one look at me, then at his daughter in law and said "Ginny, she's not going to make it". That's exactly why Catholic Charities chose my mom. They knew she would take on the challenge, and succeed. My brother Matt is adopted too. My mom use to always called us 'her adopted darlings'. She would often recite to us:

"Not flesh of my flesh

Not bone of my bone

But still miraculously my own.

Never forget for a single minute

You didn't grow under my heart

But in it".

Now her oxygen tank pulses and beats, in the living room, while she breathes. We give her morphine to keep her from being "air hungry", and the other drugs to keep the unexplained anxiety down.

But it's our special day, and I had plans.

I have now made many phone calls. Family and friends have started to visit. The neighbors came over with their little girls. Abby and Sarah love Ginny, and vice versa. Abby was concerned about seeing mom, but Sarah is still young enough not to know. She giggled and had her little bear give mom kisses.

Anne (mom's childhood friend/best girlhood pal) and her daughter Joanne were looking at pictures with us. We were reminiscing and laughing at Ginny and Anne's childhood antics. If you know Mom, you'll realize that she was the 'nix nux' or the mischievous one.

Nancy, her caregiver stopped by, we looked at more pictures and laughed some more.

Mom was in the room with us when our first daughter Ginna, was born. Because she was unable to have children, I wanted her to have a birth experience.

Ginna's midterms are this upcoming week, so she is working on projects that need to be submitted. I am getting ready to make dinner.

It is quiet now, and I have to make plans.

Until tomorrow,

Much love,

Me

For my family and friends because it is part of life

It's been a year and a half since mom got sick. She was diagnosed with MDS in July of 2012, soon after this photo was taken. You can read more about that here.

Needless to say, this past year and a half have had it's ups and downs. You can read about that here and then here.

During this time, mom has had two 'rounds' of chemo. The first round consisted of 7 successive days per month for 6 months, the second consisted of 5 successive days for 6 months.

October 2012

Each of these rounds were followed by a bone marrow biopsy. 

Christmas 2012

Mother's Day 2013

The last bone marrow biopsy told us that the chemo wasn't working anymore. This was in June of 2013. 

July 2013

One of Mom's favorites - a hot fudge sundae

September 2103

Just before she went into the hospital with pneumonia

I wasn't ready to tell anyone about the chemo stopping - at that time. In many ways I was relieved. It seemed like it wore her out more than it helped her. Anyway, I kept thinking I would let everyone know - and then I didn't. And the months went by.

September 2013

At rehab

October 2013

Mom with her amazing care giver Nancy

October 2013

Working on her exercise with Nancy and Toni

 We were very happy mom was well enough to come in and help us get ready for the St. Mary's Church Bazaar.

 December 2013

Modeling one of my Jewel Box Bracelets that converts to a necklace - she wasn't sure she wanted to give it up.

 Christmas 2013

 Enjoying the fire

During this time she has dealt with dementia, battled infections on her face, gout in her joints, increased pain from her arthritis, and has fallen more than once. We now have more handles in doorways, transfer chair in the tub, arm supports by the toilet, support by the bed, motion sensor lights, and a sound monitoring system.

My brother lives in an apartment attached to the house. He takes care of all of her meds, bill paying, waking her up in the morning, getting her clothes out, making her breakfast, and getting her settled before he goes off to work. When he gets home from work he cooks her dinner and later, gets her to bed.

He is my hero. 

In between morning and evening, Nancy takes over. She takes mom to all of her appointments, washes her laundry and cleans the house. But most importantly she makes mom happy. Nancy is kind, loving and most of all trustworthy.

Do I realize how blessed I am? living 2 hours away? You betcha!

It's a new year and now there's a new story. She just visited her geriatrician who told her that she thought it was time to consider getting hospice involved. 

Hospice through Medicare will pay for a lot of things that are and aren't covered right now and won't pay for items that are considered 'curative'. They will have someone come in during the hours that Nancy isn't there. They will help in other ways as well, being mostly concerned that mom is safe in her home. This help will cost mom nothing.

My brother Matt will take mom to see her oncologist on Tuesday. We should know a little more then. Maybe, I don't know. Matt has recently talked to more than one health care person who has told him "No one holds the God card".  

I'll keep you posted here. Because this is a new story.

I love you all, 

Lisa, Liz, Elizabeth - most importantly - daughter of Ginny.

My favorite Ice Cream

You know how particular items, images, scents, or tastes take you back to a certain time and place? And it is usually instantaneous?

This is one of mine - peppermint ice cream. It it usually only available in winter and Baskin Robbins was the first place I tasted it. I was hooked. 
Later in the evening - after putting in some tough hours studying, some of the girls on my floor (9th Kelly Hall, Drexel University), and some of the guys from the 10th floor would get bundled up for the trek west to the Baskin Robbins ice cream store up on Penn's campus. Many times during this trek, it was snowing. The cold flakes would fall on our faces, the quiet street was devoid of cars and our raucousness sounded louder than normal in the soft and snowy quiet. We would slide on the slick snow that was laying lightly on the sidewalks or streets, throw snowballs at each other, and generally blow off steam. Because of the cold, the walk was usually brisk. It was always great to 'escape' outside for a bit and have a much needed break from the latest design project.
Since my freshman year at Drexel - I don't believe I have gone one winter without having at least a serving of peppermint ice cream. OK - there may have been one or two missed years in there - but definitely more years of peppermint than not. 
Peppermint ice cream will always remind me of my busy, but happy years in school at Drexel, friends come and gone, and snowfall. Magical, wonderful snowfall...

What were some of yours?
tell me, Liz

Pay the people that work for you

When I had the 'opportunity' to work as an Interior Designer at an unpaid internship in NYC for my second Co-op program at Drexel University - I declined. How was I to live? Were they nuts? 
There were a few of us that turned down large NYC design firms that year and by doing so created a bit of a 'stink' in the Co-op Department.
Where do these companies get off? They want young blood working for them - flexible, creative minds to mine for ideas. Why shouldn't they pay them? They pay everyone else don't they?

I run a small, sole proprietor business. I have had young people working for me for 21 years and I always pay them. I say I - my husband is self employed as well and pays his 'kids' too. We consider them 'family', and many of them come back year after year until they have graduated from college and embark on their new career. 
So what prompted this 'rant'? 
I saw this post on UpWorthy , agreed 100% and wanted to spread the word. People deserve to get paid for their work. Even if they have no experience. Why don't these selfish employers turn their greediness around? Teach a young person some skills, while paying them, rather than stealing their 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week.
On the other end - if you do want to work somewhere - talk to other interns, make sure the company you want to work for is truly ethical. You deserve to get paid for your time, and when you do - learn something and give it your all!
So what did I end up doing after turning down a high powered Interior Design Firm in NYC? I got hired by an architectural firm just outside Philadelphia in Bala Cynwyd - Hamilton, Murphy, Garrison Architects. I worked there for my entire 6 month co-op and continued there part time through my senior year at Drexel. I thought I was worth something and they did too. Believe it or not - I got paid!

Have you had a similar experience? Share it with me in the comments below - I'd love to hear from you! Liz

Giving Back - making the communities we live in, better - a few hours at a time

As I drove down Clarkes Gap Road (Rt. 662) today, I heard the satisfying *pop* of a black walnut under my tires. It is October now and the leaves have started to fall. My trip through Waterford, VA down the road to where I live in Paeonian Springs is a pretty short jaunt. The first time I ever saw Waterford was when I traveled there from WVU with my graduate school adviser, Emory Kemp, in 1987. He is an eminent Civil Engineer and Historian of Technology. 
I was working under him with the goal of getting a Master's in History/Historic Preservation. At the time, Emory was a consultant working with specialty contractor Rod Dias to restore the Hague Huff House that lies to the north of Bond Street (see top/center of map below) and I got to come along for the ride! 

History Map of Waterford Virginia

Map home

This is a map drawn by Eugene Scheel, a Waterford historian and mapmaker.

Map Copyright © Eugene Scheel

*Map taken from www.waterfordvillage.org*

  For me - there is nothing like the thrill of seeing a house restoration in the works. To see the organic growth of an old house with it's rooms cobbled together, the studs and lath under the plaster,  to read the history of a room in the shape of a stove that was painted around - it is all a puzzle to me just waiting to be solved. 
Yes I did get that degree - thanks to Emory and the Public History Department at WVU. I had an almost custom made graduate program to follow during my years there.

And as fate would have it - a few years later my first husband and I purchased a sweet 1909 house just down the road from Waterford in the little Victorian village of Paeonian Springs. 
The grass outside was 6 feet tall, the house had 2, 15 amp fuses, and 'supposed' cold water to the kitchen sink. There was no source of heat, however it boasted a two seater outhouse. My friend Gary Geiselman said that if I restored it, the place would look like a doll house - and in fact, it does! 

Years passed, I started Bittersweet Design Studio as an all encompassing umbrella to my Interior Design work, Historic Preservation consultation, hand made goods and vintage wares. I applied to and was juried in to the venerable Waterford Fair for 5 years in the mid 1990s. 
Now, as life seems to do, it has come back around and I will be at Waterford again. This time as volunteer docent for the James Moore Steer house - now know as Old Acre. This house is on tour this Friday October 4th. You can read more about it below.  Proceeds from the fair, benefit various preservation programs throughout the town of Waterford.
"Old Acre

James Moore, Jr., probably constructed this house between 1815 and 1838, when he sold it to his nephew James Moore Steer (1810-1874). Steer and his brother-in-law Reuben Schooley operated a series of agricultural manufacturing shops behind the house along Factory Street, giving that street its name. Exterior brickwork indicates that the northern block of Old Acre was built before the southern end, originally a single story."

*Info taken from the website www.waterfordfoundation.org*

I am currently scheduled to be in the kitchen at Old Acre. Come and see me if you get a chance.

Where do you volunteer? Do you have a favorite cause? Tell me about it in the comment section below! Regards, Liz

Remember last summer?

Remember last summer - if not - you can read about it here and here: - wow that was rough. But I am here and I survived.

Selfies on Mother's Day

She got a huge kick out taking these pictures

and loves pranking for the camera.

I call my mom every couple of days - but she rarely answers. So I had to come up with another solution to staying in touch. Now, I get Nancy (her caregiver extraordinaire), to call me when they are having lunch. Problem solved!

I got a call the other day - and it made me smile all day long - ok, I admit, I am still smiling.

Mom's appointment to get her aranesp shot was cancelled!

This means that her Hgb was above 12 - which means maybe, just maybe, all that she has been through the past year is finally paying off.

But the best news I had that day was that she felt strong enough to go upstairs on her own, shower and dress without help, do all of her ironing, and look for buttons to put on some scarves she had knitted.

All. Before. Lunch.

My heart is happy. I know it won't last; she will have more doctor's appointments, need more transfusions, and be tired once again. But for now - she has been more like MY mom - the mom I use to know. And that is just the best!

I hope you have had news this week that made you smile, if not I hope this bit of news will do it for you.

xo, Liz